How to Pill a Cat

Maw has received numerous variations of these instructions over the years, but none quite so thoroughly entertaining as what she found over on Hoss's b**g. Don't call it a blog, he gets very upset. Candace over at Chapterhouse suggested Maw check out Hoss's new puppy, and as she was perusing his posts, she came across this:

How to Pill a Cat

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from the garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set aside for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans. Drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on neck, to leave head showing. Force moujth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Crown Royal. Pour shot, drink. Apply whiskey compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Toss back another shot. Throw bloodied T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Retrieve cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Get heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume rest of whiskey. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to Give a Dog a Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in air.


Now, you know that Maw would never do this to any of us. Remember, it was just last month that she left Reno at the V-E-T for a week so that they could have the pleasure of pilling him daily for his bladder infection.

Luf, Us

Thursday Thirteen #31

Thirteen Reasons It's Good to be a Spoiled Cat 1. We can sleep whenever we want. 2. We can wake up whenever we want. 3. When we cry, our beans ask us what's wrong. 4. We get lots of good crunchies, stinky goodness, treats, salmon, Chick-Hen, steak, HAM, and turkey. 5. We can legally get high on 'nip. 6. We have very keen olfactory senses. 7. We're not too concerned about idiots in da big White House. 8. We don't have to go to school. 9. We don't have to go to work. 10. We don't have to buy expensive wardrobes (unless you're Daisy). 11. We have lots of beds and cat trees. 12. We don't care which team goes to the Super Bowl. 13. When you're really spoilt, you get your very own cat enclosure!!! Luf, Us

Whoo Hoo Wednesday

Whoo Hoo! Orinch ate his Drontal pills last night! Maw hid 1.5 pills in 6 Pill Pockets after quartering the pills. Bob(bie) showed up first for the evening feeding, so Maw had to run out and get the Pill Pockets out of the food bowl before Bob(bie) ate them again. Yay! Orinch is officially de-wormed!!!

The Drontal is good through 2010, so Maw will have a nice supply to give Orinch and Bob(bie) occasionally so that they remain worm-free.

Mind you, Bow won't eat a Pill Pocket, which is unfortunate since he needs a daily pill of prednisolone. So, not efurry poodin lufs them. But boy, it sure makes life easier if you find a poodin who does luf them.


And then, last night Maw about skeert us to death! She was yelling and whooping after Helio won Dancing With the Stars. We aren't used to beans making much noise. Our Maw & Paw are quiet beans. Honestly, the most noise around here is when we get in hissy fights or when we do thundering herd of elephants through the house. So Maw skeert us when she got all iscited. Oy!

Carol Kaelson / AP

Luf, Us

Tabby Tummy Toesie Tuesday

If you look closely, you can see Dorf covering his nose, and G.T.'s hind legs are crossed. How kyooot is that?




Luf, Us

Belated Thanksgiving Humor

Sorry, but Maw's email didn't receive these until after Thanksgiving, but we wanted to share them with you anyway. We hope your beans get a chuckle.

Luf, Us

Stressed Out Sunday

Reno seems to have another bladder infection. He was squatting in numerous litter boxes and in every corner of the house last night. Paw and I managed to get a prednisolone pill down him and a squirt of Clavamox. Since Reno was also vomiting, we locked him, Smokey & Obi in the office overnight so they could keep each other company and to prevent any accidents on the carpeting.

Then this morning I remembered that Reno actually likes the Pill Pocket treats, so I put a pred pill in those and gave them to him. Tomorrow I'll get a pill form antibiotic from the V-E-T for him. It's likely that since he was only medicated for 5 days while at the V-E-T 6 weeks ago that his infection didn't completely clear up, and all the boxes for the new cat enclosure sitting in the house, and Bob(bie) and Orinch appearing twice daily on HIS patio, and Paw being home for 4 straight days just threw his routine out of wack and stressed him too much. I'm telling you, it's not a good thing to cage cats in a garage under the guise of "fostering". It permanently affects them.

It's been raining and around 40F all weekend, so not much progress has been made on putting together the new cat enclosure.

Luf, Maw

Photo Hunters #30 - Hot

HOT Off the Presses!!! This Noos jist released! Our Noo Cat Enclosure arrived yesterday frum da man in the bloo shorts (FedEx Ground)!!!! We ist SO ISCITED!!!! We ist SO ISCITED!! This is SO HOT!!!

Fankful Friday

So Maw & Paw wenteded to sum furriends new howse yestday to meet der new blurpy fing and spend Thanksgiving wid dem & der fambly. Dey had 2 poodins. Since Maw & Paw luf poodins, dey tooked pitchurs of dem & heer dey r:

Dey ist Miss Kitty and Rusty. We ist SO FANKFUL dat Maw & Paw did NOT brink dem home wid dem. Oy! We alreddy haf da evil introoders Orinch & Bob(bie) coming to eat on OWR PATEEYO efurry mornin & nite.

Maw & Paw also brotted home a hooje sak ov peekans dat dey pikked up off da grownd. Cuz da peepul dey bisited haf lotz & lotz of peekan trees & der ist a bumper crop dis yeer.

In udder noos, da wedder bean inside da talkin pitchur box seded dat on Toosday it wuz a rekkord 85F degrees an den yestday it wuz so cold dat it wuz sleetin & snowin. We ist confused. Is it summer or is it winter?

Luf, Us

Happy Thanksgiving and Thursday Thirteen #30

Thirteen Things We Are Thankful For 1. Having a safe, warm home. 2. Having lots of internet furriends. 3. Having green paypurs to pay for our numerous V-E-T visits. 4. Having wunnerful V-E-Ts who help us stay healthy and strong. 5. Lots of various food choices and treats. 6. All of our toys and climbing trees. 7. Our new enclosure (that hasn't arrived yet). 8. A really huge bed so that most of us can sleep on it. 9. Lots of drinking fountains and bowls. 10. Many many many litter boxes that are scooped and cleaned frequently. 11. Paw's job that pays for our V-E-T bills, our food, our litter, and our TOYS. 12. Catnip!!!!!!! 13. Each other (well, sometimes). Luf, Bow, Jennie, Annie, Gatsbi, G.T., Dorf, Obi, Reno, Smokey, Sally

Wordy Wednesday

Sum ov yur Mom's sededed dat dey like it wen Maw posts her respees on OWR BLOG. So, heer ist anudder wun dat gitz lotz & lotz ov rekwests wen Maw goes to potlucks & such. She fowndeded dis on da innernetz like mebbe 6 or 7 yeers ago. Eefen beans dat dunt like sweet potatoes luf dis casserole. Paw eatz it like a dezzert becuz itz furry rich.


Candied Sweet Potato Casserole
3 cups peeled, boiled sweet potatoes-mashed
1 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup butter
3 eggs
1/2 c milk
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 Tbs. lemon juice
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon

Topping:
1 cup chopped pecans
1 cup coconut
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup flour
1/4 cup butter

Combine the first nine ingredients, place in lightly buttered baking dish. Mix topping ingredients until crumbly and sprinkle over casserole. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

Note: It is very soupy before baking, but firms up nicely.

Luf, Us

Toofie Tuesday

Monday Morning Update

Gatsbi had her stitches removed on Friday and all is well with her. She is no longer a lap cat. That was one of those anomalies that occasionally occur here.

Orinch has been coming daily for his food. He doesn't hold his tail high. It's been hanging low since the hoo-haw-ectomy.

Maw bought some more Drontal, and put them in Pill Pockets and left them with just a teensy bit of food for Orinch on Saturday morning. So who appears, but Bob(bie) and scarfed down those Drontals and all the food.



So, Maw decided to just order a dag gone bottle of the pills over the innernetz since she's paying a 400% markup to the vet even with our volume/frequent flyer discount. So once the bottle arrives, she's gonna try to deworm Orinch, again.

It's been in the 80s here and so Maw put down more of that instant grass and planted a bunch of pansies, but by T-day it is supposed to be VERY COLD!!!!

Luf,Us

Silly Sunday

This email that Maw reseefed still has her laffin an laffin, so we tots u mite injoy it too.

Here, my friends, is a picture to answer the question that we've all been hearing and asking about for many years!! Answer seems to be........'Yes.'

Photo Hunt #29

We love NIP!

Funny Friday

And in yet another email joke sent to Maw:




The AFLAC Scam! Watch out for this scam.



Police say that the gang usually is comprised of four members, one adult and three younger ones. While the three younger ones, all appearing sweet and innocent, divert their 'mark' (or intended target) with a show of friendliness, the fourth -- the adult -- sneaks in from behind the person's back to expertly rifle through his or her pockets and purses or bags for any valuables being carried. The attached picture shows the gang in operation.

Thursday Thirteen #29

Thirteen Things G.T. Wants to Tell You About the Brush 1. I am a brush whore. 2. I am addicted to the brush. 3. I can be sound asleep in another room, and if a poodin is being brushed, I wake up and race to claim the brush. 4. My psyche was permanently damaged in my younger years by my severe allergies which caused me to scratch my cheeks into ulcerated sores. Therefore, I can never get enough cheek scratching with the brush. 5. It feels SOOOOO good. 6. My fur is super silky soft and shiny because I get brushed so often. 7. When I'm being brushed, my whole body vibrates with my purrs. 8. My purr becomes a gurgle when I'm being brushed. 9. I don't have many loose furs because I get brushed several times a day. 10. I smack Obi if he tries to get on Maw's lap while I'm being brushed. 11. I think every brush in the house should be mine. 12. I think a genius invented the brush. 13. Did I mention that it feels SOOOOO good? Luf, G.T.

More Noos an a Meme

Orinch came back for his evening dinner last night. His tail wasn't held high, as he would normally do, but he showed up. I even managed to do some yard work and he didn't run away while I was out there. He never finished his Drontal, so I'll get a couple more and try them in Pill Pockets. We'll keep trying. Trouble is, those pills are expensive when purchasing from the V-E-T. Buying them online in a bottle of 50 is much cheaper, but I don't need 50 anymore since I'm not with the humane group.




Gatsbi has been tagged by Miss Boo for a meme.
Here are the rules:
* Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules on your blog;
* Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself;
* Tag 7 random people at the end of your post & include links to their blogs;
* Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
7 Random and/or Weird Facts about me!



1. I growl at efurry poodin when they get close to me, or even look at me.

2. I luf nip, but growl at efurry poodin partakin of da nip when I'm partakin of da nip.

3. Maw & Paw fostered my feral momma and our whole litter. Maw knew when I was about 4 weeks old that I was "different" from my siblings. The V-E-T says that either I had an illness that affected my brain when I was an infant poodin, or I have a spinal injury that causes my neurological difficulties.

4. I luf TUNA!!!

5. My right leg stays stiff when I walk or run. So Maw & Paw can tell when I'm coming because my stiff leg makes a "plop" sound.

6. I can only jump onto chairs and the couch. I can't jump onto counters or tables or the bathroom vanity and that is where all the non-D-I-E-T food is kept.

7. I talk A LOT. I say "Maaaow".

Any poodin who hasn't played yet, consider yourself tagged, if you wanna be....

Luf, Us

Toosday Updates

Here is a picture of Orinch from the spring, before our first failed trapping of the little guy. He is very cute, but far from human friendly.

The V-E-T and technicians said that he hissed and swatted at them until they sedated him. He was tested, neutered, shot, had flea treatment applied and was very upset when I brought him home. He stayed in a carrier overnight on top of the patio table and I kept him mostly covered with a sheet. It was in the 50s last night so he was quite cozy other than being confined.

I woke at 3:30 worried about the little guy. I wanted to feed him and release him. Trouble was, I needed to give him Drontals, and any of you who have ever given Drontal know that cats DO NOT LIKE THE TASTE OF THESE PILLS. The techs told me he had tapeworms, which I figured he would have. It's rare to have a stray without tapeworms in these parts. They suggested that I smash up the pills and put it in wet food. Well, I didn't figure that would work, but I gave it a shot and fed him at 6:30. He had urinated in his carrier, and those of you familiar with the strong smell of an unfixed male cat's urine know how much it stinks. Well, I put the food in the carrier and he ate a small bit of it before starting to thrash around the carrier to get out.

So, after giving him about 20 minutes to finish his food, which he didn't, I finally let him out. He ran over to the tree and immediately began grooming the urine off his coat and then he drank from the birdbath. I'm hoping he comes back to finish off the Drontal laced food.

Meanwhile, inside the casa de Forty Paws, I obviously tracked in some urine since about 28 of the Forty Paws are sniffing the floor and my shoes. So I sprayed everything with Nature's Miracle and will go out and bleach down the patio and carrier shortly.

As for Gatsbi, the biopsy results came in yesterday and it was a cyst with a name that was about 4 or 5 really long words and it was benign. The vet did excise the entire thing, so it shouldn't be coming back. Gatsbi is doing well, and has suddenly decided she wants to be a lap cat. Since she is 8 years old, this is quite a change for her. And, since she is very stiff with her neurological condition, she is not a "cuddly" lap cat.

Well, that's the wrapup here. Hope y'all have a great Toosday.

Luf, Us

Brakink Noos

Dis jist in.... Maw trappededed Orinch & he ist at da V-E-T to git tested, shot, dee-wurmeded, hoo-haw-ectomy, & dee-fleeed. He ist not happy.



Luf, Us

Uneasy Like Sunday

So today is nail trimming day at the Forty Paws. Reno has to be trimmed first because he will go into hiding for 3 weeks if he sees the other cats getting their claws done. So, we nab him while he is sound asleep, trim his claws, and then do the other cats as they let their guard down. Then, the big sucky monster comes out to suck up all those trimmed claws.




Luf, Us

Photo Hunt #28

This week's Photo Hunter's Theme is "flexible". Here is Obi wearing a flexible e-collar after his penile urethrostomy several years ago. This collar flexes outward like a rigid e-collar, or flattens against the body as Obi was modeling for us. Because of it's length, he was unable to groom his privates, which would have caused scar tissue buildup after the surgery and that could have caused new urinary tract blockages. After three weeks of wearing the collar, and lots of medicines, he was all healed. He is still prone to bladder infections though, particularly when he is over-stressed. The V-E-T says he is a "sensitive kitty".

Stuff

Gatsbi is doing very well after her surgery to remove her mass. The V-E-T only removed 2 whiskers and barely shaved the area so as not to throw her balance off anymore than it already is with her neurological difficulties. She has a very tiny sutured 'X' on the spot. While she was under anesthesia, her teeth were cleaned. Her fangs get very black on the tips for some reason, so now she has pearly whites once again. We are giving her Buprenex for the pain every 12 hours and she seems ok, although a bit more clingy than normal.

Here's a cute picture of Smokey. He lufs these floofy pillows and uses them, well, as a pillow.

Luf, Us

Thursday Thirteen #28

Thirteen Things We Feel Like Saying This Week 1. We are very sorry that Chloe (Icon's sisfur) had FeLV and went to the bridge. 2. Gatsbi is kinda out of it after her surgery yesterday. 3. There were 2 yaks overnight. 4. We luf when the space heater is on. 5. We can't wait for our new enclosure to arrive. 6. We want to get out and explore the checkerboard that Maw put down where our old enclosure used to be. 7. We've decided that we need 2 king size beds glued together so that all 10 of us can sleep in the bed at the same time. 8. Maw and Paw had some of that already roasted roast chik-hen on Sunday and several of us luffed it. 9. Maw said she is fixing HAM on turkey day because Paw has to have turkey on Christmas since he is British. That's a rool. 10. Maw hasn't been letting us visit all of our blogging buddies efurryday and we are gonna go on strike, like those writers in Hollywood did. 11. When we go on strike, we're gonna demand more pooter time and more nip. 12. We hope Helio wins on Dancing With the Stars. 13. We were very sad that Mozart died on Meerkat Manor. Luf, Us

Dona Nobis Pacem

Tabby Tummy Toesie Tongue Tuesday

Various Items of Inchrest

Some of you might think that Dorf is an old fart because he has had all of his teeth extracted, and is losing his eyesight. Actually, he just turned 7 in August. We figure he just got some bad genes. His brother, G.T., has severe allergies. So bad that he tested positive for 28 out of 34 allergens. That's why he gets a monthly shot.

On to other items of inchrest. Now, Bow overheard Paw telling Maw that his boss decided to start another class on December 1, so Paw doesn't get 6 weekends off after all before the next class starts. He only gets 2 weekends. Well, this totally freaked Bow out because Paw had PROMISED to build the new cat enclosure during his 6 weekends off. Remember how we ripped down the old cat enclosure when we had the new windows installed? Well, Bow had found a website in his CatFancy magazine, and decided to take matters into his own paws.

So, he swiped Maw's plastic money

when she was outside putting down more of that instant grass that looks like a big checkerboard and ordered this:

Except that he ordered a ginormous enclosure with lots of extra ledges so that he doesn't have to share his sunning ledge with any other poodin.

Now, in even more news, there are certain sites that we peruse daily, and we found this over at I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER, and we thought this would inchrest our wonderful furriend, Daisy the Curly Cat.

And last, but not least, a site that we just recently added to our daily "must see" lists, is Disapproving Rabbits. There was an article about this site on MSNBC.COM recently about its popularity, and about a book that had just been released based on the site. Well, apparently the book is going gangbusters on the book sales racks. Concatulations to Disapproving Rabbits!!!

Luf, Us

Silly Sunday

Some of us poodins here at the Forty Paws luf turkey. We luf it wid gravy, we luf it widowt gravy. We luf it warm, we luf it cold. So, here is a new recipe dat Maw just received this morning:

NEW TURKEY RECIPE

Your dinner will be the talk of the TOWN!!
You should try this!
Sure to bring smiles from your guests!
Here is a new way to prepare your Thanksgiving Turkey.

1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully. (see attached picture for details)
3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.
4. Watch your guests' faces. ..





May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!



Luf, Us

Photo Hunt #27

Here is a "Classic" picture of Dorf, before he had all of his teeth extracted and before he started going blind.

Funny Friday

Ok, you guys have probably seen this, but it bears repeating. And if you haven't seen it, don't yell at us. We just receive this stuff from efurrybody else!


Instructions on how to clean your toilet:

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.





4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog




Note: No poodins were harmed in the making of this funny.

Thursday Thirteen #27

Thirteen Reasons Why Gatsbi Doesn't Want to Have Surgery Next Week 1. She hates being stuck in the PTU and going for a ride in the metal monster. 2. She is going to have to board overnight at the V-E-T because it is impossible to take food away from 10 poodins overnight. 3. She doesn't really care if the cyst on her face is becoming a mass. 4. She doesn't want her whiskers shaved off. 5. She doesn't want to take medicines. 6. She doesn't want to be a conehead. 7. She's afraid of going to the V-E-T. 8. It might hurt. 9. She won't be able to sleep in front of the space heater the night that she boards . 10. It smells funny at the V-E-T. 11. She will smell funny when she comes home and the other poodins will hiss at her. 12. She already has enough problems getting around because of her neurological disability, and if she is a conehead, it will be even harder. 13. She wants Maw & Paw to spend their green paypers on something else. Luf, Us