Ham-Micks

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

A Bit of Levity

Today we are going for fun. It's been kinda crazy around here for the past week and a half, and we seriously need a laugh. So, we're posting an email joke that Maw has received about a squillion times. We think you might find it amusing....


Notice to Dogs and Cats

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snout height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember, Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3. Are easier to train

4. Usually come when called

5. Never drive your car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't wear your clothes

10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Luf, Us

21 comments:

DEBRA said...

wow yu guys half kept yur Momma buzee!

Reno I udderstand bout da hard bitey on da fingers. I do dat too. Most of da time I do it cuz I am happy and I juss like to use to mouth, but sometimes when I am upset I push real hard (never break da skin doh). Momma udderstands and I don't do it to her ... well not much. I lub my Momma. I put da bitey on Daddy and he don't like it. In fact I scarit him. Can yu believe I am scaree? All six pounds of me?? Well I am glad yu is better. I am glad Dorfie is better too. I fink once he adjusts he will be happy.

We enjoyed yur post today. It made our Mommma laff and laff...

Purrs
Abby

The Crew said...

Hahahaha! We've seen this before, but it's always good for a re-read...and so true!

Parker said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!

Gemini said...

Umm.. about the clothes thing--are you like SURE about that? My human thinks Skeezix may be borrowing his human's clothing...

Daisy said...

Those are funny! I would wear my Mommie's clothes if I could fit into them. But she is very big. And I am very small.

The Furry Kids said...

We love that! Momma especially loves the part to the non-pet owners. :)

Scooby, Shaggy & Scout said...

Mom agrees to all the Cats are better than Dogs category...she sometimes says she wishes she just had cats & no kids. She really does like cats better than people.
Pee Ess: I've been yakking for 3 days. Mom doesn't seem to appreciate that I always go to a carpet or rug to do it........ -Scooby

Dorydoo said...

*CHORTLE*! Momma's seen that before and loves it every time she reads it! Thanks for giving her a big laugh!

Big hugs to your Maw and to Obi and Reno and Dorf -- all of us Ballicai are purring for you and yours.

Thank you for coming to my party and helping to make my birthday the best one I've ever had!

Love and cuddles from Dorydoo.

Sunny's Mommy said...

LOL

They're all so true :-)

pissed off patricia said...

That was so perfect in so many ways. I loved it. Thank you for making me smile out loud. :)

Icon Baxter Bentley said...

That is excellent! My mamma wants to know if you had to sign up for something special to get those emailed to you, and if so, can you let her know so that she can get them too.
thanks!

The Meezers said...

um, about the drug using friends..... does nip count?

i highly disagree wif all of the statements above. 'especially the staircase one. ours in fact is a sanctioned NASCAT racetrack where the Meezer 500 is run daily.

Miles

Karen Jo said...

I have seen those before, but they are funny every time. I hope Reno and Dorf are feeling much better now.

Derby said...

Yep, mum has that posted at work for all of the beans who visit.

Caesar and Princess said...

We enjoyed reading this. It made us laff... well, that last two sections... the one for the fridge door... well, we do not really agree with most of that stuff. I think they are just trying to brainwash the beans by them thinking that way.
Beans should NEVER close that bathroom door. It is very dangerous for beans to be in that room alone!

Happy Day to our favorite kittie 10 pack

Lux said...

We never saw that before - we love it!

MoMo said...

That's funny! SS has never seen it before but I think she should post the last bit up.
MoMo

michico*Adan said...

I can't agree with you any more....

Marlene said...

I had never seen them before. They are so true and funny!!

And with our forty paws in the house I am going to translate it into Dutch for them.:)

Purrs and love from Holland

Grr, Midnight & Cocoa said...

that made our Lady laff an then the Meezers' comment made her laff more. we kinda disagree 'bout the baffroom tho - humans need snoopervision at all times.

Cats~Goats~Quotes said...

Purrrfect~!!