Thirteen reasons why it sucks to be me, by Dorf.
1. I only haf 11 toofies. Flowers tuk da rest of dem. What Maw? Oh, she sed it's FORLs dat tuk dem.
2. Maw & Paw uzed to drug me wid antyedeprezents cuz I wuz meen to Obi & Reno afor dey new I had Flowers. What Maw? Oh, she sed it's FORLs.
3. I haf a snaggletoof now cuz my lip gitz cot on my fang cuz dey tuk my udder fang.
4. I haf a ginormous scar on my belly wer I had a kapilary vaskyoolytus rupshun frum da meds dey gaveded me. It tuk 6 months fur dat to heel an I had to wer baby clothes.
5. Now, Obi smaks me wen I luk at him.
6. Now, Obi smaks me wen I'm eatin.
7. Now, Obi smaks me wen I'm layin in da walkin path.
8. Paw piks me up an holdz me like a widdle baby.
9. My brudder G.T. rassles me.
10. Last nite Paw pikededed me up an heldeded me like a widdle baby, den put me on da kounder, an I fell off cuz he wuz pullin on my tail an I got cotteded in da straps of his lunch pail an it fell on me too.
11. I haf a big skirt dat flapz in da breeze wen I run down da hallway.
12. Maw ist always astin me if my toofies hert now. She tries to luk in my mouf wen I yawn.
13. It's Thursday and it's hot wer I lif.